Then it was the toaster's turn, it decided it was bored just toasting bread and thought it might be nice to play Russian roulette with my breakfast. It's a four slice toaster with two sides that work independently, or they're supposed to. I insert the four slices of bread for my and Mr Right's breakfast and push the levers down and they stay down for about 10 seconds, then the left side will pop causing the right side to pop too, then the levers won't stay down so you have to try lots of different methods to make them stay down (I favour either the surprise attack approach or the brute force with lots of swearing technique), anyway by the time you've fart-arsed about with it the bread's half toasted and then it decides to function normally but you forget that it's already half toasted the bread and end up running late with a burnt offering so it had to go.
The dishwasher came down with rabies, the main symptom was acute hydrophobia i.e. it refused to fill with enough water to clean the dishes, surely it's raison d'etre? It would take on board about an egg cup of water and try to wash the dishes but as they came out as filthy as they went in I got the distinct impression it was just phoning it in so it had to go. I have ordered a new one and it arrives next week but I'm ashamed to say that in a decade of owning a dishwasher I've forgotten how to wash up. I'm always dumping the dirty dishes in the sink and then having to empty them out before running the water, oh and I'm always drying up too soon so my tea towel is sodden, not to mention what it's doing to my hands and nails and how untidy all the dishes look as they hang about waiting for
Next on the fuck-up list was the Sky HD remote, we have another for upstairs but it's becoming tiresome having to remember to take it with you to whichever room you're watching tv in and it harks back to the bad old days of television with manual controls when you had to actually get off your arse and change channel, how Neanderthal! I've ordered a shiny new one and will pounce on it as soon as it arrives, although the way my luck has been this week it will probably get lost in the post!
I was forced to use the iron this week (I know!) and hadn't realized what a potential death trap it had actually become. As you know I don't iron but we relinquished the blinds and their MANY draughts in our 14ft bay window in favour of some cosy lined curtains that were languishing in our loft, so I washed them and set about ironing them, to say it was a nightmare was an understatement, so much fabric!!! Anyway Mr Right and I have had the iron since we set up home together in 1995, it stopped steaming approximately a decade ago, the cable frayed and was held together by electrical tape which has now also frayed (!!!) and this week it started oozing rusty gunk, not great when you're ironing cream curtains so it also had to go.
Whilst I was rushing hither and thither trying to get some Christmas shopping done I stopped off at home to dump a load of bags and headed out on yet another mission when I noticed that my front tyre was making a clicking sound, this is not unusual as we have a gravel driveway and often get the odd pebble caught in the tread but it usually sorts itself out by the time I reach the main road, this time it didn't. So I stopped the car, got out and took a look. Sure enough there was the offending stone stuck in the tread, so I tried to gouge it out with a key but it was tightly wedged. I tried again and did manage to move it sideways then heard a little hiss and I knew the game was up so I high tailed it down the hill to the local tyre fitters all the time praying that the stone would stay put so enough air would remain in the tyre to allow me to get there without damaging the wheel rim. To cut a very long story short I had to have the tyre replaced and the mechanic noticed that another tyre was below the legal limit and surprise, surprise my tracking was also out.
Last (hopefully, December's not over yet!) and by no means least Mr Right's trusty hair clippers went to the hairdressers in the sky although I won't breath a sigh of relief that my nightmare is over quite yet as Mr Right's car's starter motor was a little reluctant to do its thang yesterday morning and I still need some dental work doing, when will it ever end?!
I was teetering on the verge of a mini breakdown over all of this last week but just as I was wallowing in self-pity the local hospice Santa float, making it's annual pilgrimage around the local area, passed by our house and really put things in to perspective, thankfully we all have our health and this year Missy was mesmerized by it, waving to Santa as he went by. The same evening the gallant Mr Right arrived home with flowers to cheer me up and I also received a surprise phone call from the ever-thoughtful Mrs Z who, on seeing my despairing Facebook status, decided to give me a call to cheer me up and that she did. So in the midst of disaster I have taken solace in the the little things, flowers, friends and floats.