Tuesday, 9 November 2010

The Allure Of Velour

This time last year I was getting ready to go into hospital to have Missy via caesarean section and I had to purchase some tracksuit bottoms as following surgery my maternity clothes would have swum on me and I was going to enter that deflated balloon belly twilight zone where skinny jeans aren't even a tangible concept.  
It's just a bit of post surgical swelling, honest!
I'm not in nature a slob, although my lacklustre beauty regime at the moment might decree otherwise, and have always viewed a tracksuit as sports attire and therefore should only be worn whilst partaking in sport.  I could never understand why morbidly obese people seemed to prefer this garment, more so than skinny sporty types, did they not see the irony (or the fact that they look like a sausage bursting out of its skin), the thing that amazes me is that the sports companies actually make this stuff in massive sizes, but I suppose even the fatties have to wear something to the gym when they start out on the road to Slimsville.
Vicky Pollard, one of our brightest sporting hopes for London 2012

Anyway, as it was November and the coldest winter in 30 years was forecast I opted, much to my own disgust, for a black (slimming) velour pair of joggers.  The velour tracksuit is usually the remit of wannabe WAG CHAVs or the Waynetta Slobs of this world and I was hoping I could blame hormonal insanity for my purchase, that was until I came out of hospital.  I don't think I've ever been happier with an item of utility clothing as I was with those joggers.
Perhaps I'll rename Missy Spudulika, it's exotic!

I still wear them now, almost a year on.  As soon as I get in from the school run, it's off with the jeans and on with the joggers, teamed with an old red Coca-Cola t-shirt and either a cardigown (one of my many ratty old cardigans that I wouldn't be seen dead in outside the confines of my home) or my 'Slobby Joe' (a massive blue sweatshirt stolen from my sister in 1992 and worn to death ever since - its cuffs are frayed and there is a hole in the front, along with some rather suspect stains and the left sleeve has tile adhesive on it but it's wonderful to wear, and never feels like cardboard, even after washing) .  
Exhibit A - CSI would have a field day with this baby

The joggers are cosy and comfy (god I'm getting old!) and allow me to roll around on the floor with Missy and I don't really mind what crap gets spilt, stuck to or wiped onto them.  Although I was a little heartbroken when I splashed bleach on them last month and come to think of it they're starting to wear at the knee, but the question is, do I replace them?  I can't blame the hormones this time round!

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